Cheap Beer No. 2: Lost Lake Pilsner

Here’s another brew of dubious wonder from the bleak heart of La Crosse that’s readily available just about everywhere in Oshkosh. Before launching into the bad news about the beer, I have to say this is the ugliest beer can I’ve ever seen. If ever there was a beer that deserved to be drank from a bag, this is it. It looks like someone with better things to do spent about three minutes fumbling through a pack of cheap clip art and free fonts and then said, “aw, hell with it.” Slap that crap on a background of prison stripes and there you go. Hey, at least they’re not trying to fool anybody. If there’s anything less imaginative than the design of the can, it’s the frothy mess inside.

Crack it open and pour it out. Looks kind of pretty, at first. But that loose, soapy head will sink as quickly as your spirits after you’ve sniffed what’s in the cup. Dump a bottle of Sprite® into a bowl of Fritos® and I think you’d be close to the aroma of this. If you had any sense you’d stop there. Then again, if you had any sense you wouldn’t have bought this stuff in the first place. Ever suck on a nickel? I must have at some point because I know just what nickels taste like and the dominant flavor of this “Pilsner” is close to what you’d get licking Thomas Jefferson’s face. There’s a note of creamed-corn lurking in there, too, but that's quickly beat down by all that nickel. The beer finishes like a dull, arthritic ache and lingers on the palate long after you’ve lost the will to pour anymore of it into your mouth. Pair this with cadmium to produce a stool that can power a flashlight.

Final verdict: Would I buy this again? I don’t even want to look at it again.